CHLOES BLOG

SCRATCH-A-CAT

2009-01-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

What's This!?!?

2007-03-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

WHY IS A CAT, HOSTING A BLOG?

---'Hi, Neighbor. My name is Chloe. I was approached by the good-folks at ''Blogs R Us,'' to do a Project. ON MY OWN. I am tired of carrying ''you-know-who,'' and it was decided that I would branch-out ON MY OWN. The collaboration was fun while it lasted, but he has become a royal pain-in-the, ''you-know-what.''
---As I said, I am flying solo, now, but I ''KNOW'' I can do it. I did NOT Purr my way to the top, as some [very jealous] people are suggesting. I have some wonderful friends to present to you. Without further adieu, let's get started. ON WITH THE (CHLOE Slips Into Her (FLAWLESS) Ed Sullivan Impression) REALLY BIG SHEW.'' 'CHLOE.

CATS FLUSHING TOILET - The VIDEO

2007-03-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

.
CHLOE IS NOT IN THEATER RELEASE! The PRODUCERS

BEING THE CAT YOU WERE BORN TO BE

2007-03-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

BE WHO YOU ARE

I SAY YES TO DIFFERENCES IN ALL OF US
I SEE THAT WE'RE MADE MUCH THE SAME
BUT IT'S THE DIFFERENCES THAT SPICE IT UP.

SOME CATS ARE SUBTLE,
SOME ARE MORE OVERT
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING IN EVERY CAT
AND THE WAY THEY DEMONSTRATE
WHO THEY ARE

THE ENTIRE PICTURE IS IN ALL OF US
WHO WE ARE IS IMPORTANT --
LIKE IN A JIGSAW PUZZLE,
THE PIECE YOU PLAY IS WHO YOU ARE

BE YOURSELF AND DON'T COMPROMISE
AND YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH
THAT THE ONE YOU SEEK IS YOUR TRUE SELF
SO HAVE FUN WHEN IT'S THERE

''Bert has played the SHELTER-CIRCUIT for quite a long while, now. He is glad to be off the road. I have known Bert from before he would wear his glasses. He would strut into things, and generally make a mess. He was a nuisance, too. It is good to see that he has bitten the bullet, and wears them. FOUR-EYES, Just Kidding.. Who loves ya, babe?'' CHLOE

YOU KNOW WHOSE- POEM

2007-03-10T22:14:00.000-08:00

FLEXIBILITY

I'm Thankful When Things Happen
On Time, Without A Lot
Of Useless Waiting Involved.
I'm Happy When Someone Shows Up
When They Say They're Going To.
I Respond POSITIVELY To That

''Is The Picture - Useless Waiting or Positive Response? I'm Confused.'
Punctuality, Is Something We Don't
Pay Much Attention To.
I Used To Be Very Punctual
And Now I'm Paying For It.

''If You Ate Beans For Dinner, That Will Get Your Attention! There Will Be Some Kind Of Response.''
By This I Mean,
You Can Be
''Over-The-Top'' With Things
With Flexibility Taking A Backseat

''We Will Talk About Being, OVER-THE-TOP, Later.''
Being A STICKLER About Things
Is NO Fun.

''No Workman's Comp., If You're STUCK.''
Being FLEXIBLE Is ''FUNNER.''
I Think I'll Learn To Be MORE Flexible

''More Flexible And ''FUNNER,'' OKAY! - Excuse Me, More Fun. He Was Always Taking Self-Discovery Very '' Litter'' ally, But, I Hesitate To Say, That, He Is Full-Of-It. At Least, I Hope NOT, For HIS Sake.'' CHLOE.

SOMETHING ABOUT GETTING YOUR ''MUSIC'' OUT

2007-03-10T22:09:00.000-08:00

---''Each CAT Has His Own Way.'' - CHLOE

AN EDITORIAL''PAWS'' - Chloe Weighs In...

2007-03-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

''This Ain't Gonna Get You There!! MEOW-tivation and MEOW-ditation.''' CHLOE

An Official COMMERCIAL BREAK

BEING AS ''FRANK,'' AS FRANK

2007-02-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

HOMAGE TO A FRIEND

Okay, What Can I Say?
Today's The Day
It's Time To Play

Here We Are Now
Let's Take A Bow
Some Say This Is The Way

Is This The TAO?
Wow! That Was A Pow
Covered With Clay
Just Like A Sow

I Was Out To Make Hay
But That's Okay
If I'm Really Being ''FRANK''
It's More Fun To Play

''The vignette above starred Harvey and Ethel, doing the poem. about Frank. The ''REAL'' Frank, in this case, is a member of the Poetry Class. The assignment was to write like Frank. This is what I came up with. It pales next to Franks talent. Anyway, I hired Harv and Ethel, to act it out. Frank lost sight in both eyes, but it's fair to say that Frank ''sees'' way better than most . It was a poor judgment call, on my part, though. Neither, Harvey nor Ethel can duplicate Franks Irish accent. I should have asked Seamus. He's an Irish Setter.'' CHLOE.

FRANK'S Website Link Is On Right [Link Section]

RICKY The SQUIRREL

2007-02-05T17:05:00.000-08:00

ADDICTION - ALLERGY
SAME DYNAMIC

---I'd Like To Introduce YOU To My Old Friend, Ricky The Squirrel. Ricky HAS quite A Story To Tell. Let's Jump Right Into It.''
---I'm glad to be here. It is really good to see you, again, Chloe. It is good to see you looking so healthy, after all the years that you spent battling that ''Catnip'' addiction.

''Thank You, Ricky.''

---Well, I read that someone had compared Addiction to Poison ivy. It made me want to find out what he meant, so I read further. This is the gist of it.

''To Backtrack A Bit, I first met Ricky, in a tree, outside the Bette Ford Clinic. Ricky was listening through an open-window, taking notes and everything. I knew that this was one serious dude. He had a Monkey on his back, [No, NOT SiD], THAT HE WANTED TO GET RID OF [The Photos Were Taken, At Different Times Of His Life, Before He Was Cured.]..
---It seems that the poison ivy plant itself, is not the problem. It is what the plant does to you that is the problem. When one is caught by it, or catches it, is when the problem begins. If someone has an allergic reaction, he usually breaks out into an allergic rash, which is very ''itchy.''

''Now, you NEVER, actually, had an allergy. That's Good. However, the Addiction part...well, I'm glad. Please continue.''
---With Poison Ivy, the more one scratches, the more it spreads. The Worse it gets. Like an Addiction. Any allergy can be like an addiction. The more that one does of it, the more it spreads. The more one becomes ''involved'' with the source of his Allergy or Addiction, the worse it gets. For example, Chloe, your Poison Ivy was Catnip.

''Yeah, was it ever. Tell us more.'''
---He says that one ''Uses whatever he does, [Ricky Checks His Notes.] to fill the emptiness that one feels inside.'' He may feel it fills it at first, but then it is all downhill. One becomes de-sensitized to the ''product,'' and it then takes enormous amounts of the same thing, to get any reaction at all.

---Eventually, it becomes too late. He is ''caught'' and has to ''endure'' his period of being itchy, but not able to do anything about it. It is too risky. Scratching is off limits. Scratching is becoming painful. He compares this to withdrawal. I thought this analogy was interesting.

''I'm Glad You Got Rid Of The ''ADDICTION.'' The last time I saw you, you were in pretty bad shape. All you wanted was some spare change to buy a drink. I don't even carry change. You were chain-smoking, to boot. The whole scene was NUTS and I don't mean the kind YOU can eat.''

CHLOE

[Producers Note: Chloe Rehabed At The Bette Ford Clinic, For Her, Now, Famous, Catnip Addiction.]

MIKE The ''CHIMP'S'' - POEM

2007-02-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

WHAT'S A CHIMP TO DO?

Well World, Here We Are, Again.
You Rejected My Advice.
No, I'm NOT Mad
But, I Have ONE Question.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I Mean, I Told You
It Is ALL About LOVE,
And. You Didn’t Seem ''Impressed’’
What's A Chimp To Do?

Oh, I See. You Want
Me To LOVE You, Too.
That's A CHIMP Of A Different COLOR

You Make It Difficult, Sometimes.
Have You ‘’Seen’’ Yourself, Lately?
You Present Yourself
In Such Different Ways

You're ANGRY, You're BELLIGERENT,
You're ARGUMENTATIVE, You FIGHT,

You Are HYPOCRITICAL, Too -
You're COLD - And You're WARM,
Yes, There Is That, Too.
What's A Chimp To Do?

You Tell Me That
You Will TREAT Me
The Way That I TREAT You
You Say That You Will Love Me
The Way That I LOVE You,

I am JUST To Be LOVING.
So, It ‘’IS’’ ALL About LOVE?

Wait-A-Minute, Hold-The-Phone, World –
You Say, That, You Told Me?
I Should-Take My Own ADVICE??

I Should JUST - Be LOVING.

AND,

THAT'S WHAT A CHIMP'S TO DO????

[Mike Appears Through The Courtesy Of Himself. He Has NO Known-Agent. HINT! HINT! He is not a bad Chimp, if you like working with chimps. He is a bit UNRULY, sometimes, but he is punctual and he hits his marks. He likes to think of himself as a BAD Mama-Jama, but, after a few bananas, he ''Toes-The-Mark.'' He has always been true to himself. Mike is his own CHIMP. That ''impresses'' me. We go way back. I've known Mike for years. CHLOE.]

''FIDO,'' The LION?

2007-01-26T21:16:00.000-08:00

TALKS
PREFERENCES

It Seems As If We All Have
Preferences, As We Go Along.
Some Prefer This, Some Prefer That
''I would have prefered you were the dog we booked. I have to admit it makes me a little uncomfortable, sitting so close. Is your name really, Fido?''
GROWL! Preferences Are All Geared To
Take Us Home.
Somethings I Prefer,
You Might Find Disgusting, GROWL!
''I wouldn't doubt that.''
And Vice – Versa. GROWL, GROWL..
''I doubt that.''
We All See Things, Differently.
No Wonder There Is Not
A Lot We Agree Upon. GROWL!!
It Seems We Have Fun, Anyway.
Picking And GROWLING, Choosing And GROWLING.
''Speak for yourself, Marc Antony.'''
I Guess When We LOVE, I Mean GROWL!
The Sky Is The Limit!!
''Why, you son-of-a..., You have been putting me on, the whole time. Ladies and gentlemen, this LION is playing a joke on the ''Old Chlo-ster.''' Did the staff put you up to this?' Wait-A-Minute. You're Jim Swanson. If I remember right, you did a guestshot on ''Daktari.''' You're friends with my agent, Stan. I met you at a party.You were wearing a Hat and had a false nose. I thought there was something familiar about you, but I was so scared. I used up about 8 of my 9 lives, during the interview. Now my crew says they wouldn't have let it go much farther, as It is NOT good to be that scared.''' CHLOE, [I Think.]
Actually, I am very good friends with a friend of yours.

AN EDITORIAL PAWS - DOGS Will Be DOGS

2007-01-20T21:38:00.000-08:00

llThey Do This Kind Of Thing!! I Don't Think They Are Really That Smart, But You Gotta Love 'em. Dogs Huh?

CHLOE

An Official COMMERCIAL BREAK

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...DAVE!

2007-01-19T14:25:00.000-08:00

Dog Goes Crazy! brought to you by Funny
.
---ALL Dogs Are BIZARRE! CHLOE

CATS

2007-01-18T19:01:00.000-08:00

CATS - Tend To Be Prone To Tunnel Vision.

BOREDOM-Againl!

2007-01-18T18:39:00.000-08:00

A POEM
BOREDOM - Against!!

''Let's hear it for our boredom expert, Dr. Killer. With a name like Killer, you would think that boredom would NOT enter the picture. You must ''inspire'' a lot of confidence. You are, actually, a Rhodes Scholar and wrote your doctoral thesis on boredom. So, if you don't have the credentials to bore us, I don't know who does. Maybe I should just read your thesis out loud. That should do it.'So,

Dr. Killer, [Dr. Killer -Out Loud To Herself] Go ahead, Bore us.''

You are making fun of me, aren't you?

''No,No Dr. Killer. Certainly not. [Dr. Killer. Out Loud To Herself]

I've Been Against Boredom,
For A Long Time.

''This is rivetting. In fact, I WISH i HAD SOME RIVETS, RIGHT NOW.''

You are making fun of me. THIS IS NOT FUN -
IT's SERIOUS .

''You are CORRECT, sir. This is NOT FUN. Which one is most serious?''

BOREDOM! We Need A Recipe,
or Something,
To Prevent BOREDOM!

''So You're NOT Serious?'

Chloe Gives the audience one of her patented, mischievious smiles, Holds it for just the correct amount of time. [The audience roars with laughter]'

''Okay. Dr. Seriously, then. What kind of things prevent BOREDOM?''

How About Doing Things
We Don't LIKE?
Chloe and audience [NO!!]

How About ''WATCHING,'' a Pot-Boil'' Situation
With People and Places,
THAT FEEL AWKWARD?

[NO!!]

How About HELLISHness Where
Time CREEPS ALONG?
[NO!!]That's Creepy!!

How About Nothing Creative?
[NO!!]

[That's ALL Well and Good,
But, You're NOT Trying.
YOU'RE LIVING IN THE SUPPOSED TO'S]

How About Something You - ENJOY?!?!
Something That Makes
TIME FLY?

[YES!!]

FIND WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO and
DO IT!!
''NOW, THAT'S CREATIVE?''
[Just Don't Hurt Anyone]

''Ladies and gentlemen and neighbors. The Doctor, himself. Dr. Killer. A rose by any other name. We had some fun with Dr. Killer, tonight. We are glad he was such a good sport. Let's hear it, again for Dr. Killer. That's Dr. Killer. K-I-L''

CHLOE

''GOODBYE EVERYONE. IT WAS A PURR-FECT EVENING!!''

2007-01-08T19:14:00.000-08:00

''My producers tell me there is onlytime to say goodnight. I'd like to thank ALL of my guests. There is a case of Catfood for each of them. They ALL made tonight, memorable. Remember this, too. If Catnip, or whatever, makes you weak, you don't NEED it.This is CHLOE The CAT, signing off, until I see you, again. I hope that's soon. (BLOWS KISSES.) I Love You ALL.'' CHLOE

[Producers: Check-out CHLOES Video Library, Again.]